How to Write Wedding Vows: Wedding Vow Writing Advice That Actually Helps
Quick Answers (save this for later)
Aim for 60–90 seconds per person (about 150–250 words).
Use this structure: Love story → promises → future → closing line.
Write one “only us” detail, 3–5 promises, and one strong ending.
Practice out loud (your mirror is now your officiant).
Why vows feel hard (and why you’re not “bad at feelings”)
Vows aren’t just “nice words.” They’re a tiny, meaningful speech where you’re trying to be romantic, funny, sincere, and coherent—while wearing formalwear and making eye contact. No pressure.
Also: if you’re getting married in the Sierra Foothills—maybe around Grass Valley, Nevada City, Auburn, or Sacramento—you’ve already chosen a setting that does a lot of emotional heavy lifting. (Vineyards at golden hour? Basically cheating.)
Step 1: Pick your vow style (so you’re not writing blind)
Before you write anything, decide what “type” of vows you’re doing:
Option A: Traditional-ish (with personal touches)
Great if you want classic + heartfelt
Works well with religious or family expectations
Option B: Fully personal (story + promises)
Great if you want laughs + tears
Most common for modern weddings
Option C: Short + sweet (micro wedding friendly)
Great if you hate speeches but love your person
Perfect for intimate ceremonies
If you’re planning something smaller, our Micro Weddings are made for meaningful moments without a marathon timeline—vows included. Explore options on the micro wedding packages page.
Step 2: Brain-dump first (this is not the final draft)
Set a timer for 10 minutes. Answer these prompts in messy bullet points:
When did I know I was all-in?
What do I admire most about them (be specific)?
What do they do that makes life better (even in small ways)?
What have we survived/learned together?
What do I want our marriage to feel like in 10 years?
Pro tip: If you get stuck, write it like you’re texting your best friend. Then upgrade the grammar later.
Step 3: Use the “Love Story → Promises → Future” outline
Here’s the easiest vow structure that still feels personal:
1) Love story (20–30 seconds)
Give one vivid snapshot—how you met, what changed, or the moment you realized “oh, this is my person.”
Example:
“Somehow, you became my favorite part of every day—without making a big announcement about it. It just happened, one ordinary Tuesday at a time.”
2) What you love about them (15–20 seconds)
Pick 2–3 traits, but anchor them in real examples.
Instead of: “You’re kind.”
Try: “You’re the kind of person who remembers the barista’s name and checks on your friends two days after a hard thing.”
3) Your promises (30–40 seconds)
Choose 3–5 promises that are both heartfelt and realistic (marriage is long; pace yourself).
Promise ideas (mix and match):
“I promise to listen with curiosity, not defensiveness.”
“I promise to make room for your dreams—especially the ones that scare you.”
“I promise to keep choosing you, even when life is loud.”
“I promise to be a safe place to land.”
“I promise to laugh with you, and when needed, at ourselves.”
4) Future + closing line (10–15 seconds)
End with something that lands—simple, confident, true.
Example closers:
“I choose you today, and I’ll choose you again tomorrow.”
“This is the easiest ‘forever’ I’ve ever said.”
“I love you—and I’m in. All the way.”
Step 4: Keep it you-shaped (not Pinterest-shaped)
A few guardrails that save vows from feeling generic:
Do:
Include one “only us” detail (a tradition, a trip, a weird habit)
Use plain language you’d actually say
Keep humor warm, not roast-y
Skip (or keep minimal):
Inside jokes nobody understands
Anything mean-ish disguised as comedy (“I promise to tolerate your snoring…”)
A full relationship autobiography (save it for the anniversary toast)
Want inspiration that feels real in a vineyard setting? Browse the real wedding photo gallery for ceremony vibes—what people actually do, not just what they pin.
Step 5: Match length and tone with your partner (without spoiling it)
You don’t need identical vows, but you do want the same category of energy.
Quick alignment checklist:
Length target: 60–90 seconds each
Tone: mostly heartfelt, some humor okay
Format: both personal (or both semi-traditional)
Private share? Decide if you’ll read them beforehand or keep them secret
Low-stress compromise: share only the word count + whether you included humor. Keep the rest a surprise.
Wedding vow templates you can copy/paste (then personalize)
Template 1: Classic + personal
“From the moment I met you, I knew there was something different. You make me feel [safe/brave/seen]. I love you for [two specific traits with examples].
Today, I promise to [3–5 promises]. I will build a life with you that is [your shared values].
I choose you—today, tomorrow, and every day after.”
Template 2: Short + sweet
“You are my favorite person and my best friend. I love how you [specific thing].
I promise to [3 promises]. I’ll keep choosing you, and I’ll keep coming back to us.
I love you. I’m ready.”
Template 3: Funny + heartfelt
“I love you even when you [tiny harmless quirk]. That’s how I know it’s real.
You make life better by [specific examples].
I promise to [3–5 promises]. I’ll be on your team in the big moments and the boring ones.
You’re my home. Let’s do this.”
Practice: the part everyone forgets (and regrets)
Do these three things and your vows will instantly improve:
Read them out loud at least 3 times
Mark where to pause (breathing is romantic, actually)
Print them in large font (wind + tiny phones = chaos)
If you’re getting married outdoors (hello, vineyard breezes), put your pages on a clipboard or vow book. Gravity is undefeated.
If you’re writing vows for a winery wedding ceremony
A vineyard ceremony naturally invites a little imagery—without going full poetry professor.
A few subtle lines that fit the setting:
“Like this place, our love has grown season by season.”
“I want a life with you that gets better with time.”
“I promise to keep showing up—through every harvest and every winter.”
Keep it simple. Let the view do the dramatic monologue.
Ready to plan a ceremony that feels like you?
If you’re mapping out your Sierra Foothills wedding day (timeline, ceremony flow, guest logistics—everything), we’re here for it. Start with wedding pricing and options, then reach out through our wedding inquiry contact form to talk dates and vision.
Pro tips
Write one version that’s too long, then cut to the best lines.
Make promises specific (“I’ll plan date nights monthly”) not vague (“I’ll love you forever”).
Include one line you can’t say without getting emotional—those are the keepers.
Save a clean copy in your email and print a backup.
Common mistakes
Going over 2 minutes (sweet turns into speech).
Using humor that “teases” too hard.
Writing like a rom-com character instead of yourself.
Forgetting to practice and realizing mid-ceremony that you can’t breathe.
FAQs
Q1: How long should wedding vows be?
A: Aim for 60–90 seconds (about 150–250 words) per person. Long enough to feel meaningful, short enough to stay punchy.
Q2: How many promises should I include in my vows?
A: 3–5 promises is the sweet spot. Pick ones that reflect your real relationship and values.
Q3: Should we share vows with each other before the wedding?
A: Either works. If you want a surprise, don’t share the text—just align on tone + length so one person doesn’t deliver a novel.
Q4: Is it okay to be funny in wedding vows?
A: Yes—keep it warm and inclusive. Avoid jokes that embarrass your partner or confuse everyone else.
Q5: What if I cry while reading my vows?
A: Extremely normal. Add pauses, breathe, and print your vows in large font. Tears are allowed; fainting is optional.
